finding something to celebrate

I've started to write this post a couple of times now, and kept abandoning it.  But it's been rattling around inside me and I should probably just spit it out. 

Mother's Day is a tough time of year for a lot of women.  It's not like Father's Day, when Home Depot and Lowes are pretty much the only ones reminding you that dad deserves a little something.  As women, we've got Hallmark, Jared, ProFlowers.com, even Giant Eagle shoving it in our faces.  Holidays are always hard when you're missing a child, whether it's one you remember, or one you've only dreamt of, but Mother's Day is probably the biggest sore spot for all of us un-mothers, however we got to be that way. 

Last year, my final round of Clomid failed the day before Mother's Day.  Doug and I had decided early that fertility treatment past medicine was not the route for us, so in that moment, I knew in my gut that a pregnancy wasn't going to happen.  Tests over the summer confirmed that I was correct.  By then I was already resigned.  I'd spent Mother's Day suffering through the worst of my grief. 

But even in my suffering, I knew how lucky I am.  Because as soon as I realized the Clomid hadn't worked, I called my mom, and she showed up at my door with a bottle of wine and a shoulder to cry on.  She has been, and continues to be, my confidante and my best friend, my supporter and my voice of reason.  At my very worst, and my very best times, she's always been there.  Growing up, the house was tidy, the meals were homemade, my Halloween costumes were hand-sewn and my birthday cakes were always made from scratch.  She did it all while holding down a full-time job, and still found time to read me bedtime stories each night.  She set the bar impossibly high, and I can only hope I'm half as good a mom as she was, and still is.

I'm lucky for all the great women in my life.  My grandma (God rest her soul) who had such a big heart, who gave to every charity under the sun, who was so insightful and kind.  My Aunt Sue, who was my vacation mommy when my mom couldn't come on family trips.  My mother-in-law Jan, who's incredibly thoughtful, who jumped on board with my Buttered Up Baby products, and has been selling like it's her job to support us and our dream.  I've been blessed, and I know it.

So Mother's Day still makes me kind of sad, but this year, I've got a better mindset.  I'm running in the Race for the Cure 5K.  I'm fundraising for our adoption, and hoping that I can turn my lotions and scrubs into a little business.  Next year, if we've been matched by then, I plan to put a portion of the proceeds from my sales toward another waiting family's adoption costs.  Make this time of year a bit brighter for someone who might be having a hard time finding something to celebrate.


P.S. I have a couple new scents for sale!  Chocolate cherry and herb garden didn't sell especially well, so they've been replaced.  Check out the fundraising page to see what's new!