ready, set...

Waiting to be matched for an adoption is not the easiest thing we've ever done.  Doug and I are both only children, and as a function of that, we're pretty used to getting our way, at least to some small degree.  In this, not so much.  You wait.  Open adoption is kind of unique because we really have no idea when we'll be chosen.  It's not like we're in a line of people, and we can see our progress as those ahead of us are matched.   Instead, one day, a birthmom (or a set of birthparents) is going to approach the agency, look at all the available profiles, and select ours.  That's intimidating.  It has to be a good fit, and you have to convey that with just a little two-page letter.

I've found that most people are in one of two camps: either you know absolutely nothing about adoption, or you have an adoption story of your own to tell, whether family or friend.  Just last night, we were chatting with a couple whose craigslist posting we answered, and the woman's brother and his wife are also waiting to be matched.  There isn't that nasty stigma about adoption anymore (thank you Modern Family!), and people talk about it openly. 

We chose open adoption for a couple reasons.  One is that we are only children.  We may only be able to adopt one child, and since there won't be any cousins, or aunts and uncles, or possibly even siblings, the idea of our child feeling like part of a bigger family is kind of appealing.  But the bigger reason is because we felt it was healthier for everyone involved.  We aren't going to pretend that this child came from us.  He or she will have ties to someone else, and questions, and we feel like our child deserves to know the background.  We can't pretend the people who give us the gift of being parents don't exist.  So whether the parents only want a letter and some photos once a year, or a face to face visit once or twice per year, we're ready and willing to make that happen.

Open adoption is kind of a new concept.  It used to be that the adoptive parents just pretended the baby was theirs, biologically, and hid any information they had about the birthparents, until they felt the child was ready to process that info, if ever.  So you've got a kid who's probably a teenager, full of normal hormones and "I hate my parents" feelings already, finding out his parents have either been lying to him or hiding information his entire life, for his own good.  And when is a good time to drop that kind of bombshell?  "Can you pass the peas, and by the way, you're not who you think you are?"  No thanks.  That's not for us.  It's really hard to backpeddle a lie or half-truth, and the longer that goes by, the less it seems like the right time.  And if our child has questions, who better to ask than the people with the answers?  Any answers we could give would only be our perceptions.

Since we're all about open adoption, we decided on domestic, and more specifically local, so the birthparents can actually have contact if they choose.  So our wait might be longer than someone who opts for domestic closed, or international adoption, but so be it.  

We had two calls in mid February, both for newborn immediate placements.  Apparently that never happens.  Before the first one, we'd been very casually prepping the nursery, painting a mural, buying things as we saw great deals. After that first call, I felt so unprepared!  Like, here we sit, thinking about being parents every day, and we don't even have a car seat!  And we could have a baby tomorrow!  So when we found out the next day that the mother had chosen a family friend, I went out anyway, and bought everything we needed to finish up the nursery.  Then, the next call came the following week, same scenario.  That one also fell through, but at least we didn't feel panicked anymore! 

So here we sit, thinking about being parents every day, and here's the room where our little one will sleep.  In the late afternoon, it lights up with the warmest, prettiest glow, all full of sunshine.  Now, we're ready.